


Breaking Free

by MaddieandChimney



Series: I Run To You (AU) [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Canon divergent season 2, Domestic Violence, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, eventual buddie, eventual madney, includes a few of the same storylines and quotes direct
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:28:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24510826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: The last thing he expects to see is his big sister in her apartment with a newborn baby in her arms, having just left her abusive husband.AU version of when Maddie arrives in LA.Painfully slow!burn Madney and Buddie (although that's no different to canon, is it?)
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Series: I Run To You (AU) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1771171
Comments: 26
Kudos: 112
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	1. Chapter 1

It had been a long day, to say the least, his only plan was to get home (to Abby’s home, that was starting to feel more like a stranger’s place every day), and take a long, hot shower, maybe grab some takeout and watch mindless television until he fell asleep. He’d go through the usual process of trying to avoid his phone, trying to avoid asking her once again if she was okay (did she ever ask him anymore?).

When he walks into the apartment, he knows something isn’t quite right as his eyes focus on the bag he’s certain wasn’t there when he left for work. For just a second, he allows himself to believe that Abby has come home to him. The thought only lasts a moment as he walks towards the bedroom and sees the only woman he’s happier to see than Abby. Buck doesn’t know what to do, at first, she has her eyes closed, her hand gently placed on a sleeping babies chest. _Her_ baby? _His_ nephew?

He immediately regrets his decision to clear his throat, because she immediately sits up and starts to apologise, until she recognises him. “Evan.”

Somehow, the baby hasn’t stirred, even though both the Buckley’s check, “Maddie?” He doesn’t know what to say; he’s dreamt of this moment too many times, of seeing his big sister again but now it’s happening, he doesn’t know what to say or do other than stand there and awkwardly scratch the back of his head as he shifts from one foot to the other. “What are you doing here?”

It comes out harsher than he intends, and he hates the hurt that flashes in her eyes, her shoulders slumping, “I-I thought you’d…” She gulps, she’s nervous, “I thought you’d want to meet your nephew.”

He had felt it the moment he laid eyes on the two of them, but hearing it makes his heart drop but somehow soar at the same time – that baby is his _family_ but that also means his sister has finally had a baby with a man he can’t stand (for all the right reasons, though he can’t prove it). “His name is Theo.” He can tell she doesn’t know what to say, that this isn’t how she had planned on the conversation going but he takes a deep breath in an attempt to calm his thumping heart. “Do you want to hold him?”

His response is quick, though his tone is hopeful, “He’s sleeping.” He wants to hold him, he can see his little face and there’s not a trace of Doug in him, he’s all Buckley, but he’s nervous. He loves kids, he really does but he’s terrified he’ll get attached only for Maddie to freeze him out for another three years.

His sister doesn’t hesitate to get up out of the bed, only pausing to pick up the sleeping baby who barely stirs, so she can bring him over to him. Buck only watches, anxious yet excited as he waits with bated breath. He hates Doug but he loves her and that’s all that matters when she passes the baby into his arms and he smiles down at him. “He’s perfect, Maddie. Congratulations? W-when?”

He wants to ask her where her husband is, but he refrains when she nervously brushes her hair from one side of her shoulder to the other, he can see the healing finger mark bruises that stand out on her pale skin. And then he sees the way her eyes widen as though she remembers and as quickly as she moved her hair, it’s back. “He’s two weeks old.”

That’s enough to make the youngest of the sibling’s flinch, and he realises why she practically forced him to hold the baby – it’s the only way he’ll control his anger. “You didn’t even tell me you were pregnant; you haven’t spoken to me in three years. And now you’re here? With a baby I didn’t even know existed. What do you want, Maddie? Where’s Doug?” The words come out harsher than he intends, and he hates himself momentarily when he sees the tears pooling from her eyes as her bottom lip trembles.

“I’m sorry.” It’s pathetic, he can tell by the look on her face that even she recognises that, he deserves more than a two-word apology when she’s been ignoring his existence for three years. Not that he had heard from her much before that, not since he had begged her not to get married and it had been ten years since then.

“I can’t do this with you, Maddie, where is your husband?”

“Don’t know, don’t care.” Another pathetic response and they both know it, especially when he lets out a long sigh and walks back to the bed, carefully placing the sleeping baby in the middle until he turns to her.

“I’m not a kid anymore, so stop treating me like I am! Tell me what’s going on.” He hates the way that when he grabs her arm and pulls her from the bedroom, she’s shaking beneath his grip but it’s a conversation that requires more than harsh whispers and constant glances at the baby who apparently, could sleep through anything. “Talk to me.”

“We’re just passing through, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to impose… I just—"

“Have you left him?” He interrupts her, ignoring her apologies, ignoring the way his sister won’t even look at him when she speaks. It’s not her, it’s not the Maddie he grew up with and he doesn’t know how to help her if she won’t let him.

“Finally.” Her reply is laced with bitterness, but she finally looks at him and there’s a rush of relief that is incomparable to anything he’s ever felt before. She finally left him. “Don’t tell mom and dad I’m here, don’t tell them about Theo… I need time. I need time to figure out what I’m doing, can you please just give me a little time?”

He feels a little less annoyed when he learns his parents also didn’t know she was expecting, they phone him at least once every few months so for them not to mention it seemed like even more of a betrayal – being left out of some big family secret. “Is it okay that we’re here? We can go to a hotel?” There’s a desperation in her voice that he hates hearing, but he’s _angry_ that the big sister who promised him she’d always be there for him, wasn’t. Everyone leaves in the end, he’s learnt that the hard way, and he wants to keep up some walls in preparation for when she’s out the door.

“How did you even know where I live?”

She sighs, “I went to the address the Christmas cards kept coming from and the guy said you were here…” She’s trying to sound casual, but his eyebrow raises, and he shakes his head, “How did you get in here?”

“I told the building manager I was your sister – I think he felt sorry for me or just wanted rid of me, Theo was crying.” She won’t meet his eyes again, and he bites down on his lip, trying to resist the urge to say something so badly – but he doesn’t know how much longer he has his sister for, he doesn’t know if her leaving Doug means leaving him for good. And he can’t help himself when he talks again, “So… you did get my Christmas cards?”

The words come out harsher than intended, her eyes darting to the floor, “I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch much lately—”

“Three years.” He reminds her, “Three years I haven’t heard from my only sister and you turn up here with a baby you never told me about. Three years, Maddie!”

He wants so badly to reach out and hold her when she looks at him, the first sincere look of acknowledgement he’s seen on her face since he walked into the apartment, “I know, okay? I know and it’s not what I wanted.”

It’s unsaid, but if it’s not what she wanted then it’s what Doug wanted and if he didn’t hate the man before, he did right then. He hadn’t seen him since their wedding day – subtly only going to the Kendall household when he knew the man was at work until Buck graduated college and eventually moved away. The phone calls and Skype sessions became less and less until eventually, she stopped answering and he stopped calling. The Christmas and Birthday cards were the only way he had of reaching out without pushing her away, needing her to know that no matter what, no matter how many years she went without having him in her life – he’d be there when she was ready. The guilt settles in then, he had always promised himself that if she ever did come running to him, he’d put aside the anger and the hurt. He’d already failed in the ten minutes since seeing her.

“Mads,” His arms wrap around her, and for the first time in years, he’s holding his sister and she’s not constantly, nervously glancing at the door, half-expecting her husband to walk in at any given moment to catch her out. He breathes her in entirely, bending down to press his face into the top of her head, “I got you, I got both of you, okay?”

The sound of his nephew crying is the only thing that forces him to pull away, a huge grin on his face, “Time to officially meet Uncle Buck.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buck manages to convince Maddie to stay, and asks his 118 family if they'll help to keep her safe.

The night goes by quickly, Maddie lightly teasing her brother about his girlfriend, as he insists on doing everything possible for Theo. He doesn’t mention Doug again, at least not that night, and neither does she. Instead, she lets him bask in being a first-time uncle, not having to lift a finger for the new-born baby as he’s the only person she’s ever met who seems eager to change diapers and get up at three in the morning when he starts crying.

When he leaves for work the next day, it already feels as though a part of her is missing, it somehow felt as though it had been too long since she had last seen him, but also as though no time has passed at all. He seems lonely but, at the same time, he’s happy. He has a spark she’s never seen in him before, she can see it when he talks about work, when he mentions his captain. It’s the way his eyes light up and he grins at her as he talks about his latest rescue, the excitement in his voice when he talks of his captain and the rest of his firefighter family. She’s happy for him, she really is, but it still hurts (in the most selfish way) to know that life went on without her.

But it also helps, because she knows she can’t stay long. She can’t risk Doug finding her with Buck, she can’t risk Buck finding out the true extent of the damage her marriage has done. She’s not even been there twenty-four hours before she’s scrolling through his laptop, trying to work out where she should go next and how long she should run for, how long it would be until her husband stopped looking. She glances over at her son, _their_ son and she doesn’t know if he’ll ever stop looking for them. She has to move on, she knows that much, she and Theo were in enough danger, she didn’t need to drag her brother into it too.

She barely glances at her phone before she picks it up – she’s already blocked his number after the twenty-third missed phone call on the drive to LA from Pennsylvania. “Laurie?”

“No, it’s not your boss. I’m in her office and evidently, she’s not your boss anymore because you quit.” She wonders how long it took him to figure out that this time, she wasn’t coming back; it had taken five days for her to get from Hershey to her brother, the most exhausting five days of her life, struggling with a baby who had barely been in the world for a week when she decided to leave. It wasn’t the first time she’s left, but this was the longest she’d been gone.

He’s not even in the room, or the same state as her and she can already feel her body shaking, the tears forming in her eyes as she holds onto the phone a little tighter, “Where are you, Maddie?” It doesn’t matter that she can’t see him, she can _feel_ him, she can see the look in his eyes, she can practically feel the slap she knows would be coming if she was standing there in front of him.

Her eyes move over towards her sleeping baby, and she knows he has to come first, he has to be her priority – Doug has been making her life a living hell for years before he was born, and maybe a part of her had thought things would get better if there was a child to consider. It hadn’t. “It doesn’t matter.” Her voice sounds stronger than she feels right then, “It doesn’t matter ‘cause we’re done.”

“You don’t get to decide when we’re done. I decide!” He’s screaming down the phone, and she knows, more than anything, if he finds her, he’s going to kill her. “Tell me where you are!” He knows, he knows what he does to her – one look could have her sobbing when she was back home – he knows the power he has over her. It’s illogical to assume he’s there but she can feel it in the pit of her stomach as she looks around, trying to find her breath, trying not to burst into tears or panic so he’ll know. “You can’t just take my son from me, Maddie.”

The son he never wanted, she’s quick to remind herself. She doesn’t answer, only stares at the door as though she’s half-expecting him to knock it down at any second. “Then, I guess I’m gonna have to come find you. And you better hope that when I do, I’m in a better mood.” She doesn’t wait for him to hang up, the years of fear, and hatred bubbling over as she throws her phone at the nearest wall, a scream of frustration falling from her mouth before she finally lets herself break. Theo is crying barely seconds after her phone crashes to the floor, but all she can think about is how he’s going to find them as she drops to the floor, sobbing.

Perhaps she should have let him kill her when he had the chance.

* * *

By the time Evan walks in from his shift, it’s just been over twenty-four hours since she first saw his face for the first time in too long and she knows this is going to break his heart. But her bags are packed, the baby is tucked away in his car seat, she’s made up her mind – she has to carry on running. Even if it means she has to run for the rest of her life, or at least until Theo is eighteen and able to protect himself.

For a moment, her brother is happy, until he sees the suitcase and the baby and he knows, the recognition on his face that she’s the one leaving him behind once more leaves her wondering if she could possibly hate herself more than she already does. “Leaving already?”

She knows if she looks at him, she’s going to break, so instead, Maddie focuses on her hands, wringing her fingers together, feeling the wedding band on her finger that is only a sick reminder of the life she wants to leave behind. “The road ahead awaits.” She’s trying so hard to keep it casual, _too_ hard because she knows her brother isn’t stupid. He wasn’t fooled when he tried to stop her from getting married in the first place, he wasn’t an idiot when he realised it was best to only go over to the Kendall household if Doug was in work, and he most definitely wasn’t stupid enough to believe she had only left her husband, the father of her child, because she had any other choice. She’d have stayed, if she could have.

“I’m more concerned with the road behind you. Maddie, what really happened with Doug? Why are you running away from him?” The tone in his voice already tells her that he knows the answer, but he wants her to say it aloud. She still can’t bring herself to look at him though, the tears threatening to fall as she digs her nails into the back of her hand, “No, I’m not bringing my little brother into this.” She’d already unwittingly brought her son into it the moment she found out she was pregnant and didn’t do anything to stop him from coming into a world she knew, deep down, wasn’t safe for him. She couldn’t drag Evan down with her.

But when he speaks next, she feels something she hasn’t felt in such a long time, she can barely process it – _safe_. Even for just a second, it’s there, knowing he would do anything for her, that he would never purposely hurt her or her baby, “Standing in between you and anyone who thinks they can hurt you is exactly where I want to be standing.” Finally, Maddie looks at him for the first time since he walked into the room, and she knows he means it – he wants to protect her, he always had, despite being six years younger. He was always ready to fight for her, even when he was ten years old and she brought her first boyfriend home to meet the family, all he’d ever wanted to do was make sure his big sister knew he had her back.

She can’t bring herself to say anything, watching from the corner of her eye as he sits down, chewing on her bottom lip in an attempt to stop herself from breaking down entirely in front of him. The tears are stinging her eyes, her chest feels tight as her hands shake and she knows how close she is so spilling everything. But she’s his big sister, she’s the one who’s supposed to protect him, not the other way around. For a moment, it’s silent, the soft breathing of Theo in the corner of the room filling the quiet until, “Maddie, are you in some kind of danger?”

And she knows she has to be honest, at least semi-honest. Tell the truth enough so she didn’t destroy him when she walked out the door, but not so much he’d hate himself for not seeing it sooner. For not helping her, because she knew her brother better than anyone; if there was guilt to be felt, he’d feel it. Still, she refuses to meet his eyes when she takes a deep breath, “The stuff mom and dad hated about him, the stuff even you picked up on as a teenager… it all got worse. Much worse over the last year or so. And when I threatened to leave, when I first found out I was pregnant… he threatened to kill me.”

Her voice was breaking, the tears were bound to fall no matter how hard she tries to stop them, “And he meant it. But now I have a baby to think about and I just… I didn’t know what else to do other than run as far as I could away from him.”

“But you broke free and I’m proud of you.” When he reaches his hand out for hers, she takes it gratefully, the slightest of smiles on her face despite the tears she’s finally let go, “But now is not the time to be alone.”

“I’m not alone, I have—”

“You have a baby. A tiny baby who is going to need his mommy, and maybe other people too, right? Like his Uncle Buck? So, you should stay here, with me… I’ve got plenty of room and I can help you. I can help with the night feeds when I’m not on shift, I can… help with anything you both need. If he comes looking, I—” He pauses, and she wonders what he’s going to say; then he’ll beat him up? He’ll protect her? He’ll kill him? When he finishes, she feels relieved but pained, wondering if maybe she no longer knows her little brother as well as she once did, “I know a lot of cops.”

“He won’t.” She squeezes his hand and shakes her head, suddenly not knowing why she was so determined to run away from the one person she knew would do anything in his power to make sure she felt safe. “He doesn’t know you live here. He doesn’t know what you do. It’s a real benefit to being with someone who doesn’t ask any questions.” Or rather, someone who would drag her by her hair and slam her head against the nearest wall whenever she mentioned her brother. It was best to omit that detail though, she had broken her brother’s heart enough to last a lifetime when she broke all the promises she had once made him.

“Then it’s perfect. You can start over, you and Theo can have a new life. I can help, when he’s a little older, we can look into getting you a great nursing job—”

“No.” She cuts him off a little too quickly, her hand dropping from his, “I-I miss helping people. But I can’t do that job every day, looking over my shoulder, wondering if he’s…”

It’s her brother’s turn to interrupt, a knowing smile on his face, “I have an idea, but you’re staying, okay? You are not alone, Maddie, you have me and I will always, always protect you. Do you understand?”

“If he comes—”

“If he comes, we’ll deal with it then.”

* * *

“Look guys, I know I’m going to mess this up if I try and deal with it on my own, so I just—I’m asking for help, I guess? I don’t want anyone to know she’s here right now but if, maybe, she knows she has a group of people to support her, maybe I can convince her she’s safe. And if she’s safe, she’ll stay.”

He’s rambling, as he looks around at his friends at the 118, he doesn’t know if Maddie would have wanted him to tell anyone but these are the people he spends the majority of his time with, the only support network he knows. It’s Bobby who talks first, giving the youngest team member a pat on the back as he nods his head, “We got your back.”

“She’s part of the 118 family whether she likes it or not.” Chimney cracks a joke, none of them knowing the woman he was talking about but already imagining how terrified she must have been to run and to hide from her husband. There’s echoes of agreement from Hen and Eddie, and he feels better than he had when he first walked in that morning.

Buck can’t help but look around nervously – Bobby had only asked him if he was okay after he’d been quiet that morning, it had all come rambling out. How his sister finally admitted to him that she was running from her husband, and why she was running from him. How he wanted to keep her safe but he was terrified he would mess it up. Now there was a baby involved, his nephew, who he had only known for a few days but already, would die for. He sees no judgement though, not even on the face of Eddie who hasn’t even known him that long but understands the fierce need to protect a child from any harm.

“Anything you or your sister needs, we’re here for you, all three of you.” It’s Hen who talks that time, a tight smile on her lips as she reaches a hand out to pat Buck’s clenched fist.

It’s exactly what he needs to hear, knowing that in the absence of his sister, he had somehow managed to find himself a new family. But that family would become hers, he was determined to make sure she knew that she would never be alone, ever again. “Do you wanna see pictures? Honestly, this kid is so adorable, I mean he doesn’t really do much other than sleep, poop and drink more milk than I ever thought possible, but he’s pure Buckley. He’s even got a birth mark on his cheek, gonna give him that classic Buck charm.”

They roll their eyes, but still take his phone when he passes it around the room, each of them agreeing. Chimney’s the last to take the phone, a serious look on his face before he looks up at Buck, “She’s going to be okay and that kid couldn’t ask for a better Uncle.”

He hates the way his chest is tight, as though he wants to burst into tears, he’s been trying so hard to stay strong in front of Maddie. “T-thanks… thanks guys… for everything.”


	3. Chapter 3

It was the first time in months that Buck finally didn’t feel so damn lonely. He knew he had his family at the 118 – with the new addition of Eddie – but they all had a life outside of the station that he never quite shared. For the first time in his adult life, he actually someone had to come home to, two someone’s, who both seemed equally as happy to see him when he walked through the door.

He could still tell his sister was going out of her mind just staying at home, despite how busy Theo kept her – she was never good at staying still or relying on another person which is exactly what she was she doing right then. Buck didn’t mind, it was a trivial matter in his mind, Maddie had practically brought him up with very little help from their parents. The least he felt he owed her was grocery shopping and a roof over her head. He was only offering her a safe place to lie low until she decided what she wanted to do.

Mentally, she still wasn’t in a place where she felt comfortable enough to meet his friends, so apart from her daily walks and when he managed to drag her out of the apartment to grab coffee, she had barely left the apartment. And by default, neither had Theo.

A few weeks had passed by the time he found himself rocking up to the firehouse with the baby in his arms for the first time. He still found himself amazed with each passing day how much the little boy was growing before his eyes, now getting closer and closer to his two-month birthday (Buck absolutely insisted on celebrating every single milestone he possibly could). “Hey guys,” He was greeted by the immediate removal of the gurgling baby from his arms, as Hen gasped, the biggest smile on her face. Even Chimney looked delighted to finally see the illusive nephew in person, even though Eddie and Bobby both looked more than a little apprehensive.

“Sorry, Cap, he won’t be here long. Maddie’s… decided she’s going to find a place to live when she starts work. She’s just had to go to the bank to close off her account and open a new one.” So Doug couldn’t find her, she had only taken cash out in Hershey which was quickly running out - Buck had learned that she had been squirreling money aside from her salary every month for three years. She’d never had a definitive plan but it was just enough that meant she’d be able to start over, but not so much that Doug would notice the missing money, he’d kept a close eye on everything, including limiting access to her own money.

“That’s a big move.” Bobby was the first to comment, awkwardly avoiding any eye contact with the baby as both Hen and Chimney cooed over him. The young firefighter could only shrug his shoulders in response, not wanting to get into it too much – he and Maddie had already argued over her not being ready to live alone. But really, he was sure it was _him_ that wasn’t ready. Her moving out, even if it was only a few miles away, still felt as though she was leaving him again and he loved coming home to her and Theo at the end of a long day.

Hen squeezed her shoulder after she handed the baby into her best friends open arms, “It’s a good thing though, it means she’s ready to stay. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?” He knows she’s right but he’s gotten used to waking up to the smell of coffee, of falling asleep to the distant sound of Maddie singing as she rocks Theo to sleep. He’s gotten used to waking up at three in the morning to the sound of the baby crying, arguing with Maddie who still seemed shocked every time he absolutely insisted on helping her out as much as he possibly could. He loved his days off, just spending time with his family and more than anything, he loved the way his sister would smile at him when he walked through the door after work. He loved their routine and he wasn’t sure he was ready to let go of it just yet, even if he knew he had to. She was a grown woman, a mother, she needed her own space, her own life.

“Did she get the job at dispatch?” Chimney doesn’t even glance at the other Buckley, his entire focus on the baby Buckley he holds in his arms (Buck refuses to acknowledge that his surname is Kendall, he’s pure Buckley, no matter what). It saves him answering Hen’s question, knowing his answer would only be a selfish one. Instead, he grins and nods his head, “Yeah, of course she did, they practically snapped her hand off. She starts her induction and everything next week, we’ve just got to sort childcare.”

“We’ll help you both figure it out – is your sister swinging by to pick the little man up?” His four friends seem to perk up at the thought of _finally_ meeting the woman they’ve heard endless things about but never actually seen in person – despite inviting her to their family meals a few times.

“She should be… she was a little nervous though, she probably won’t come in.” With a frown and a sigh, Buck can only shrug his shoulders. He hated the idea that the people in front of him, and even Theo, may never get to know the version of his sister that he had grown up with – the stubborn, loud, confident, Musical Theatre nerd that didn’t take any shit from anyone. He could still see glimpses of her beneath the surface of the woman Doug had spent years breaking down. He could still see the fire in her eyes sometimes, he could hear her in the way she laughed, until she caught herself, always looking as though she had no right to be happy.

This time it’s Eddie who touches his shoulder and he hates the way his heart clenches in an unfamiliar feeling he just wants to push back, “Don’t push her, she’ll be ready when she’s ready.” They had barely known each other any time at all, in the grand scheme things, but he already knew Buck well enough to know he was struggling with the idea of just throwing Maddie in the deep end without giving her a choice. He wanted to fix her, even if it seemed like an impossible task.

He feels a wave of happiness surge over him the moment Chimney finally places his nephew back into his arms, pressing his lips to the top of the babies head, “Anyways Cap, she shouldn’t be long. It took me about three hours to convince her to even go in the first place, she was worried she’d get me in trouble.” He sheepishly grins, knowing he’s pretty much left Bobby with absolutely no choice, and they can only hope the alarm doesn’t go off before Maddie gets there. The older man only shakes his head, a sympathetic look on his face, “Just don’t make a habit of it. I’m sure we can accommodate for a little while.”

* * *

Maddie looks up at the entrance to the firehouse, biting down on her bottom lip as she tries to gather the courage to just walk inside. She feels as though she knows the people he works with, having heard the countless stories, but just the thought of actually meeting them was scarier than she thought. If she had heard stories about them, she could be sure that they would have heard ones about her – she loved her brother but he could be a talker when he wanted to be. And these were the people he spent the majority of his days with.

She’s standing outside for ten minutes, her hand clenching around her phone as she tries to tell herself that she’s a grown woman. She can walk in there and get her son from her brother. She can say hello and make polite small talk with a bunch of firefighters if she absolutely has to – maybe she could literally be saved by the alarm. “Just go.” She mutters to herself, finally forcing her legs to move into the large building, nervously looking around, unsure where her brother would even be. The sound of a baby distracts her though, she’d know that ineligible half-cry, half-gurgle anywhere. It’s what drives her forward, past the fire truck to see her baby in the arms of the man she can only assume is Chimney from the description her brother had given her.

She observes him for a second, her baby gently being rocked in strong arms, as he looks down, she can hear the word ‘rebar’ and she bites down on her bottom lip, only just making out the rambles of the man who is rambling down at her child about probably the worst moment in his life. Perhaps not child-appropriate conversation but Theo, in all his naivety and thankfully, not being able to understand a word anyone was saying to him, seems extremely taken by the man. His chubby hand resting on Chimney’s chin as his big, brown eyes just stare at him. He’s being stubborn, refusing to sleep, she can tell by the way his eyes are hooded and his cheeks flushed, sucking furiously on his pacifier.

“Maddie!” Her brother calls out from above, causing her to jump before she looks up to see him practically dangling off the balcony with a huge, surprised grin on his face. Her cheeks redden when she glances over at a startled Chimney, the sudden awareness that she had been watching him, “S-sorry, you were… you seemed like you were having a serious conversation, I didn’t want to disturb you.”

She can’t help the relief that washes over her when he immediately smiles and walks over to her, gently handing her son over to her open arms. “Hi baby, did you miss your mommy?” Her lips immediately go to his button nose as she grins down at him, before her eyes move back up to Chimney’s face, “Thanks. He seems to like you.”

“No hardship, he’s amazing.” He awkwardly scratches the back of his neck, a nervous laugh falling from his lips and she can’t help but think that her brother seriously did not do this man any justice when he was describing his colleagues to her. She finds herself staring a little too long, until Buck is next to her and she moves her attention to him instead, completely missing the way Hen nudges Chimney’s side with a smirk on her face.

“Guys, this is Maddie, obviously… Mads, this is Chimney, Hen, Eddie and Bobby.” He points at each member respectively, an arm protectively around the much shorter woman’s shoulders with a proud, beaming grin on his face. Chimney – very much unlike his usual sarcastic self – goes quiet, shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other, his cheeks a light shade of pink, whilst the others each give their own introductions.

She’s nervous, but polite; she’s about to start a new job and she knows she has to get used to being around new people. And these are people she should be relatively comfortable around considering how much she knows of their lives. “It’s been really nice meeting you all, I should get going, we’ve taken up enough of your time.” She goes to apologise, but Bobby cuts her off before she can.

“Both of you are welcome anytime, Buck’s family is our family.”

* * *

Despite knowing about it for almost a month, Buck still doesn’t feel ready when he sees bags piling up in the back of his car. He knows deep down it’s a good thing, he understands it’s a glimmer of hope that his sister is sticking around for good, but it still doesn’t stop it hurting any less when he’s watching her strap Theo in his car seat.

Three years without her in his life had been painful enough, even though, the months they’ve spent together since then makes it seem as though no time has passed. She’s different, he can tell that in the way she flinches sometimes when she’s not expecting him to touch her, the way she’s nervous around others when before, she would have been the life of the party. He knows she has trouble sleeping and if Theo isn’t with her or Buck, he can literally feel himself feeding off her anxiety levels. He’s worried she’s not going to be able to cope as well without him by her side, but he’s also worried he won’t be able to cope either.

Eddie had been the one to ease him off the ledge, reminding him that just because he lived alone, doesn’t mean he was alone (ignoring the slight jab after that about how it was weird he was living in his ex-girlfriends place). But that was the night before and he can feel himself getting to that place again as he watches her climb into the car, nervously cracking her knuckles as she does so. It only brings him a little comfort to know that it’s not as easy for her to leave him as he had thought it would be.

“You ready?” He asks, as he gets into the driver’s seat, looking behind him at Theo, happily sucking his pacifier and playing with his toes in the car seat.

“I-I think so, yes.” Their eyes meet and his hand reaches for his before he squeezes it, “I’m around the corner, Mads, anytime you need me, I’ll come running, you got it? No matter what the time is, I’ll be there in ten minutes.” She nods, and he knows that she knows he’s being honest, whether he was sleeping or not, his family would always come first.

“Let’s get you all moved in, Chim and Eddie are popping over in about an hour… we’ll have you all set up ready for your first night in your new home.” He tries to sound excited, he really does – it’s for the best, Theo will have his own room and Maddie will have her own space to truly start figuring out who she is post-Doug. She can’t exactly do that sleeping in the spare room in the apartment of a woman she’d never met, with her brother in the next room.

“Did you tell them I said thank you? I mean, I-I’ll tell them too… it’s their day off though. I’ll get pizza, and I bought beer, did I buy enough beer?”

He rolls his eyes at her ramblings as he turns the engine on, “No amount of beer will ever be enough beer but they are happy to help, stop worrying so much. You got this. We got this.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie, Chimney and Buck help Maddie and Theo move into their new apartment.

Buck can feel the nervous energy bouncing off his sister as she paces through the apartment, opening up a box, looking through it before pacing some more and repeating the movement over again. He almost wants to run over to her and put his hands on her shoulders to stop her in her tracks but he can see the panic crossing her face when the reality sets in that she’s really doing this.

He can feel his own panic rising at the thought of her being in the apartment on her own (well, with Theo) and he understands that it’s a good thing, that her moving out of his (Abby’s) place and into her own means that she is settling in and setting down roots. He’d lost his sister for three years and he wasn’t about to let her go so easy again, if she ever wanted to leave, he’d fight for her and his nephew no matter what. It was just… her no longer living with him where he could keep an eye on her, where he could protect her.

It was a twelve minute drive from his apartment to hers (he’s sure he can cut that time down by at least four minutes if he’s rushing), which means that it would take him _minutes_ to get to her if she ever needed him. That is enough to cause a pit to settle in his stomach and a pain to grow in his chest and he doesn’t even realise that everything he’s feeling internally must be showing on his face and in his body language until Eddie is grabbing his arm and pulling him outside. “Honestly, between you and your sister, _I’m_ feeling stressed.”

“I know, I know. It’s just—she’s going to be alone.” And so was he, just as he had been before she got to LA. So completely, and utterly _lonely_ with Abby gone. And he knows he has friends and he has a family within the 118 and even if Maddie is leaving Abby’s apartment, that doesn’t mean she’s leaving him but he’s grown used to her over the last few months. He’d gotten to know her again, had fallen in love with his nephew and the thought of the silent apartment at three in the morning is suddenly terrifying.

“Just because you’re not living together anymore, doesn’t mean either of you are going to be alone.” How does Eddie know him so well after such a short length of time? Buck shakes the thought off and takes a breath, nervously scratching the back of his neck before he grimaces. Perhaps he really was that obvious and perhaps that was rubbing off on his sister who was already terrified enough.

Slowly, he looks up at his friend, a small smile on his face, “I know, you’re right, I guess I’ve gotten used to having someone to come home to at the end of the day.”

“Well, you’re always welcome at my house, Christopher doesn’t stop talking about you.”

The words are enough to make him grin, his eyes lighting up and his body finally relaxing before he nods his head over at the van they had hired for the day. “I guess we should get that couch in for my sister, huh? Can you believe she went for white with a baby?”

“She’s brave.”

And he knows it’s not what Eddie means as they head towards the van but he can’t help but take a deep breath and nod his head as he responds, “Yeah, she really is.”

.

Maddie can feel the tension growing from the moment she had opened the door to her new apartment. It was meant to be a nice, fresh new start but the excitement from the past few weeks and even earlier in the day disappears from the second she had turned the key and realised it was it. She was going to be alone and if Doug came knocking, could she protect their son from him?

She bites down on her bottom lip as she watches her brother and Eddie, the two of them building everything for her (she had offered to help multiple times only to be batted away by the two men and really, she’s kind of glad because that crib had looked difficult earlier in the day). And then her eyes turn to Chimney as he reaches the top of the step ladder, shooting her an apologetic look before he starts to drill a hole into the wall.

Theo can sleep through anything usually, which she has been eternally grateful for, but she still waits for the sound of the sleeping baby crying before she resumes her pacing. It’s easy to pretend as though she’s keeping herself busy as she pokes through a few of her boxes and tries to keep her mind occupied with thoughts of anything other than Doug. This is a good thing, she tries to tell herself, moving into her apartment was meant to be a good thing, she was moving on, building a life for her and son without her husband. This was meant to be _good_ but she was still more terrified than she had been since she had packed a bag for her and her son and ran away from Hershey and into her brothers arms.

This was always the aim, from the moment she had made the decision to stay in LA, she had always known she would need to create her own life away from her brother. She knew he’d still be around, they’d still have their sibling evenings and he would still be the most doting Uncle she had ever seen. Running to him had been the best decision she had ever made and the only regret she held onto was the thought she was dragging her baby brother into her mess. Maddie had fought so hard to protect him for his whole life, even from little things like their parents arguing or the fact their parents were too busy to make it to his school concert. She had fought so hard to protect him from ever being hurt emotionally and physically if she could ever stop it.

And she still wants to be that person for him, his protector (even when he doesn’t know it) but all of her energy is spent on Theo and making sure he’s going to be okay. Making sure he’s growing up around good, kid men like her brother and his friends instead of the life he could have had in Hershey. It means, for a little while, at least, their relationship had changed; Buck is the one protecting her and she has to let go of the control for now and let him.

Maddie frowns at her own thoughts before she opens up another box, pretending as though she’s paying any attention to the contents before she makes the executive decision to go check on her son. She’s barely making herself useful, not really sure what she can do with herself because she can’t really unpack anything until all of the furniture has been set up and Buck and Eddie are absolutely insisting they don’t need her help with hat. Chimney is down from the ladder and staring intensely at the tablet he’s holding in his hands.

She’s quick as she walks up the stairs, smiling when she gets to the bedroom across from her own, watching her son just in time for him to open his big, brown eyes. This was all for him, everything she had done had been for him. Leaving Doug, even though she knows what is going to happen the moment he finds her, bringing him to her brother because she knows no better man to raise her child if something happens to her. It had been for Theo and she knows that no matter how terrified she is, how the fear paralyses her at times, she had given the best chance at a good life.

“Hey, baby boy.” Her voice is light as she grins, moving towards his crib that Buck and Eddie had magically set up in record time, lifting him up easily as her lips move to his dark hair, closing her eyes as she just breathes him in. She knows that if Doug does find her, he won’t hurt their son, he’d never show any interest in being a father, he hated every single second of her pregnancy, even more so when he had found out she was having a boy. If she had carried on running, Theo would have been alone if anything happens to her.

She’s pulled from her own thoughts at the sound of her brother’s laughter coming from outside, just heard through the slightly open bedroom window before she grins, “Let’s go see what your uncle is up to, huh?”

When she gets to the top of the stairs, Chimney grins up at her, “You have officially reached Fort Knox level security.”

Her nose scrunches up as she holds the three and a half month old to her chest, biting down on her lip, “You think it’s too much?” She already knows the answer before he can open his mouth but it appears as though the man is happy to answer, a smirk on his lips but a serious look in his eyes because she knows he understands exactly why she needs the cameras in the first place.

“Three motion sensors in the living room? I mean, maybe if you’re trying to keep Tom Cruise from getting his hands on your NOC list.” The confusion on her face must give her away as she walks slowly down the stairs, giving Theo a look before her eyes settle on Chimney as he flicks through something on the tablet. “Mission Impossible? No?”

“Sorry, haven’t seen it.” She can’t stop herself from shooting him her best grin as she shakes her head, laughing a little when Theo lets out a small, indecipherable noise of his own as he throws his head back a little to look at her.

“Travesty.” There’s just something about the way he says it and then the look he gives her that makes her bite down on her lip before she walks past him and towards the door to see her brother and Eddie just standing there with her brand new couch as they talk.

“Maybe we pop the hinges off the door.”

“Or we use the jaws of life.” And really, she shouldn’t be surprised that her firefighter brother would go immediately to the ‘jaws of life’ place because of the amount of stories he had come home and told her over the last few months with an excitement in his eyes and a smile on his face.

Her glare settles on him quickly, “No, no, no. It has to fit, I measured it twice. Can’t you guys just, you know, turn it around the other way?” Her eyes glance between the two men, in awe of the fact two supposedly intelligent men couldn’t come up with a better way to get her couch through her door and into her living room where she’d really like to sit when everyone left that evening.

Buck is leaning up against the pillar, a serious look on his face as though he’d even contemplated the common sense approach for a second before he talks, “And then the pizza will slide off.”

“You have pizza on my new sofa?”

“It’s on the plastic.” And really, her brother is lucky that Eddie is standing right there and she doesn’t know him well enough to actually go full blown Buckley on her brother in that second before she groans and grabs the pizza boxes with one hand, holding onto the baby tightly with the other before she looks around. He’s also lucky that Chimney is inside and that’s where she’d rather be than anywhere near whatever tension she picked up on from the moment she had met Eddie. The glare that settles on him though lets him know that when his friends leave, they need words.

She can’t really explain it but the second she’s walking away from her brother and back towards her living room where Chimney stands, an overwhelming shyness builds up inside of her as her cheeks flush a little, quick to apologise, “I’m sorry. You were showing me the security app.” The sound of her brother and Eddie can be heard behind her and she resists the urge to roll her eyes when the other man holds out the tablet, his eyes glancing from the object, to her and then to the two other men making so much noise, she’s glad Theo has woken up already.

“Okay, so, basically, you can check everything on here—lift with your legs—and you can also check it on your phone if you’re not at home.”

Maddie smiles at him, she can’t _stop_ smiling at him, “Well, that’s great, ‘cause now if I hear a noise in the middle of the night, I don’t have to get out of bed to know it’s the ice maker.” The fact that Eddie and Buck have finally got her couch into the apartment (after probably around ten minutes of pondering how to do so outside) barely a minute later, doesn’t go amiss. Both her and Chimney looking over at them and finally, the excitement is starting to build up inside of her again as she takes a breath and thinks about all of the memories she and Theo are going to make in their new home. He can grow up making a mess without fear, the place doesn’t have to look perfect all of the time because it’s hers, all hers and she’s going to be safe.

The man standing next to her has a huge part to play within that and somehow pizza and beer doesn’t seem enough despite what her brother had told her before. Still, the words fall out of her mouth anyway (and not for the first time that day), “Hey, thank you, guys, for helping me on your day off.”

Her brother just looks at her when he sets the couch down, before Eddie just shakes his head and moves towards her to finally take the pizza boxes from her so she can move Theo to the other arm. “Don’t worry about it. Plates?” He’s handsome, she’ll give him that, and she can see why her brother had been jealous at first.

“Kitchen.”

“Beer?” Chimney asks as he hands the tablet over to her and for a second, she can’t help but admire the way his hair is a little bit of a mess and he’s rolled his shirt sleeves up to his elbow, causing her to bite down on her lip as she tries not to stare (really, she tries).

“Uh, also kitchen, fridge.”

“Clever.” With a smile, she watches him as he walks away, towards where Eddie had gone just seconds before, unable to take her eyes from him and even she can’t deny that the view from behind is definitely nothing to complain about. Theo shifts a little in his position, placing a drool covered, open mouthed kiss half on the collar of her shirt and half on her neck as if to remind her that she has a baby and she most definitely cannot be thinking of anyone in that way. Especially not her brother’s friend who was only there to help her feel safe and secure in her own home.

Still, the words fall from her lips before she can even attempt to stop them as she turns back towards her brother because neither of them were ever known for their ability to hold back what they’re thinking, “He is so cute.”

“Yeah, he gets that a lot. Uh, you should meet his kid, though.” Maddie can’t stop herself from smirking as she watches her brother carefully, knowing too well that he’s not talking about Chimney at all and instead, his mind is on one person in particular who she _knows_ has a super adorable kid (Buck had spoken about them enough).

But, with the best innocent look she can muster, watching as her brother easily takes Theo from her arms and lifts him up in the air with a grin on his face, as though to distract himself from the clear disappointment that had been in his eyes just seconds before. Maddie can’t stop herself from playing along, batting her eyelashes, “Wait, Chimney has a kid?”

“No, I-I thought you meant…” It’s easier to let her little brother think about his own words, to see if it will settle in (probably not, she thinks), so she walks away before he can finish, unable to stop herself from smirking until she gets to the kitchen and her eyes settle on Chimney once more who, stops mid-sentence, his cheeks flushing red as Eddie laughs and she can’t help but hope (and know, on some level) that he was talking about her. “Chimney?”

“Hope you’ve saved some pizza for me.”

The all too eager nod of Chimney’s head is enough to give her the confidence to step towards him, only glancing towards Eddie to let him know she’s not _completely_ ignoring him and is extremely thankful for all his help so far. But she settles herself next to the smaller of the two men, brushing her shoulders purposely against his before she reaches for a slice of pizza, both revelling in _and_ trying to ignore the fact her entire body feels as though it’s on fire every second she’s around him.

.

Buck looks up from his nephew when Eddie walks back into the room barely five minutes after his sister had gone into the kitchen, a bottle of milk in one hand and two bottles of beer in the other, “I think your sister has a crush on Chimney.”

He can’t help but grimace at the thought; he knows Chimney is a good man and he would never have to worry for a second (well, as long as his friend was himself, he supposes and not the version of himself he had created when he was with Tatiana) about him lying, or about him hurting her. It’s just weird to think of the other man in anyway other than his slightly smaller, quite a lot older paramedic friend.

Still, he tries to shrug it off, reaching out his hand for the bottle, only to be handed the beer instead as Eddie looks expectantly at the baby. “Fine but he likes it when you hold him like this—”

“I know how to feed a baby, Buck.”

It’s a fair point, he had been the only one of the two to bring up a child, so he just bites down on his lip and swaps the bottles of beer for Theo who easily settles into the new arms the moment the teat is pressed to his lips and his eyes close in content. “It’s too soon for Maddie to get into anything with anyone else though.” He finally says, voicing his own thoughts out loud when he glances towards the kitchen, hearing rather loud laughter coming from the two others in the apartment.

He hasn’t known Eddie long but he feels as though he can be honest with him (on some level), their eyes meeting for a second before the two of them look away at the guzzling baby instead, as a distraction. “I think only Maddie can decide what’s too soon, and besides… having a crush and actually acting on it are two completely different things. She can feel something and not be ready for anything.” The words feel as though they’re coming from a real, honest place so Buck just nods his head as he gulps. He supposes he should be happy that Maddie is feeling settled enough to actually feel something beyond fear of the life she had been running from.

With a sigh he finally nods his head, “You’re right, I know, I just—” He shrugs, pathetically, as the frown on his face deepens and he tries to gather his own thoughts, not really understanding where the fear was coming from.

Somehow, Eddie understands, even if he doesn’t, “You just got her back, it’s okay to want her to yourself for a little while but she’s going to need people around her, too. And this little guy is always going to need his Uncle Buck, do you think your sister would mind if I bring Chris over one day or she can swing by the house with Theo? With you, of course.” He’s quick to correct himself, their eyes meeting once more as they both laugh and Buck can’t help but wonder why the other man had been so quick to make it clear he was _not_ trying to be alone with Maddie.

“I don’t think she’d mind that all, we’re all family now, right?”

Eddie looks up at him with a look on his face that Buck can’t really decipher before he nods his head and smiles, “Exactly, family.”

And for a moment, Buck can’t imagine anything better as he watches Eddie feed Theo, listening to his sister laughing from the kitchen. It’s the closest he’s felt to happiness and the furthest he’s felt from loneliness since his sister had told him she was moving into her own apartment.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 118 get a little high.

Sleep does not come easily despite how exhausted she is. It’s as though her body and her mind are so completely aware of every single noise inside the apartment and outside of it. Usually, she has Buck fast asleep in the next room and she can hear him snoring just loud enough for her to feel relaxed that if anything were to happen, she’d have her brother.

She had been so insistent on moving out, feeling more than ready to start her new life in LA, just her and Theo. This was everything she had wanted and still, she feels terrified as she watches the clock, constantly reminding her that she has to be up in just a few hours. It’s hard to ignore the way her heartbeat quickens, her hand clutching a little tighter around her phone as she tries, once again, to close her eyes. The realisation that she was alone had hit her the moment her brother had left her new apartment earlier that evening, with a nervous smile on his face before he had wrapped his arms tightly around her and told her if she needed him, to just call him.

It’s stupid. She doesn’t _need_ him, there’s nothing wrong other than the normal sounds that accompany life in a city. Dogs barking, people talking, car horns beeping. But still, she thinks about calling him, just for a second until she’s shooting up at the unwelcome noise of something else clattering around outside.

It’s illogical but she looks down at her phone anyway, quickly checking the cameras as though she’s going to see Doug lingering around outside. She doesn’t. There’s no one. And despite the way her pulse quickens and her heart clenches in fear, she lays back down and closes her eyes, willing sleep to come.

And it does for an hour. The wind chimes her brother had hung outside her apartment door suddenly sounding, causing a shudder to run through her when she sits up with a gasp. He’s here. It’s the only explanation she can think of in that second as to why the chimes outside of her door would be moving. She should have known that the few months of peace she’d been granted whilst living with her brother had been too good to be true. She should have stayed… in Hershey or with her brother, she’s not too sure which right then, she shouldn’t have pushed her luck too far.

Maddie’s initial thought is that she wants her brother. It’s not a foreign thought or feeling, she can remember thinking about him so often whilst she hid in the bathroom away from her husband or looked at his face smiling at her from the front of a Christmas card she had to hide. But she knows she can’t always have him there to protect her, she can’t put that on his shoulders, knowing the guilt of everything she had gone through with Doug without his knowledge was already weighing him down. How could she ask her little brother to keep her safe and put himself in the firing line in the meanwhile?

So, she grabs the baseball bat she had tried to keep hidden from Buck when he was helping her move in (she didn’t want him to know how terrified and uncertain of being alone she truly was), gripping onto it tightly as she scrambles out of the bed. Is she ready for a fight? She’s not entirely certain but she tries to cling onto every ounce of bravery she can feel within her as she creeps down the stairs of her own apartment – she’s awake but it doesn’t mean the baby has to be – with the bat held tightly in her hands, up and ready to swing for whatever was waiting for her on the other side of her apartment door.

Which, she quickly discovers, was just the wind. The wind blowing her wind chimes, who could have possibly guessed that? It’s with a glare that she sets her gaze on them, still blowing gently in the wind until she yanks them down from the stupid hook her stupid brother had so proudly placed them on hours before (the tiredness is already starting to drive her crazy and it’s only been one night, she realises). Of course, the resulting noise of her wrapping both arms tightly around the object causes more of a racket than they had been doing in the first place and at least, she guesses, she’s not alone in her insomnia when just a few seconds later, Theo can be heard screaming from upstairs.

.

The first night without his sister and nephew in the apartment is… strange, to say the least. He’d been alone before, it wasn’t anything unusual or different but somehow, the silence is overwhelming. He misses her, he misses both of them, listening out for the sounds of Theo’s cries in the hopes he can reach the baby before he wakes his sister up, only it never comes. He’s alone again.

Buck is just grateful to have work to distract him, trying not to over-think the one word answer he had gotten from his sister when he had asked her how her first night in her brand new place went. ‘Good’ didn’t really seem like much of an answer the more he thought about it but he tries to cling onto the knowledge that she’s still here. Still with him in LA an as far away from Doug as she can possibly get. Theo and Maddie deserve that much and he knows he will do anything and everything he possibly can to protect his family.

It’s stupid, he thinks to himself, as he checks his phone for the hundredth time that day, wondering if his sister is going to expand on her one word answer at all. She’s barely ten minutes away from his apartment and he’s lucky to have her back in his life, with a wonderful new addition too that he hadn’t even seen coming, but he still feels as though he’s been left behind. And he knows it’s stupid because she’s his sister and they don’t have to live together to be a family but… after three years of nothing, he had enjoyed the last few months of _everything_.

Perhaps his new feeling of loneliness is why he finds himself drawn to Taylor Kelly in someway that he can’t really explain beyond… she’s pretty and he guesses, on some level, he’s kind of single now. The woman is a needed distraction from everything he feels from Maddie coming back and then leaving again, to the realisation that Abby probably isn’t coming back, and then to Eddie just… well, he doesn’t know how to explain the Eddie thing, even in his own head, so Taylor Kelly is very much the distraction he craves right then. 

And maybe, somehow, Eddie is, too.

They’ve not known each other long, even though it feels as though it’s been a lifetime and he suddenly can’t remember life without Eddie and Christopher or the 118 without him. Somehow, Eddie can pick up on the slight tension he must be exuding throughout the day. Every call followed with a glance towards his phone in the hopes he will hear something, anything from his sister. And every single time he doesn’t, the memory of not hearing from her for three years is all he can think about and it causes a pain to wash over him.

He doesn’t know how long his friend has been holding onto the question, but the moment he sits down next to him and asks it, his entire body relaxes when he takes a breath, “Are you okay?”

For a moment, he doesn’t know how to answer because on the surface, he’s great. He has a job he loves, friends he can’t imagine his life without and his sister is back in his life. But then deep down he’s trying to get to grips with the reality that Abby isn’t coming back to her own apartment and he’s staying there with nowhere else to go and that Maddie could very easily leave him again. Willingly or not. With a sigh, he tucks his phone back into his pocket and shrugs his shoulders, “I don’t know. I asked Maddie how her first night went yesterday and all I got was ‘good’ and… she’s been typing a few times to me throughout the day but it always disappears and I’m being stupid.”

“You’re worried about your sister, that’s not stupid.”

Deep down, he knows Eddie is right, that it’s normal to worry about Maddie, especially when her life is as tumultuous as it had been. It’s normal to feel protective and to be scared for her and Theo. But he also knows that what he’s feeling right then isn’t entirely about her, it’s everything alongside it that just reminds him how he doesn’t have someone to go home to anymore, he won’t be giving Theo bath time or cooking breakfast at night for Maddie or have her telling him to turn the television down. He’s living in an apartment that isn’t his, waiting for a woman who isn’t coming back, clutching onto his sister and his nephew as though they are his only lifeline.

“It’s not just that—” He whispers, shaking his head before he shrugs his shoulders, “It’s stupid. Ignore me.” Buck is all too quick to stand up, barely understanding what was going on inside his own head to be able to voice it to another person.

“Buck—”

“Look, someone sent us brownies.” At least the baked goods provide him with the much needed distraction from what would have been far too serious a conversation twenty-one hours into a twenty-four hour shift.

.

Maddie doesn’t pick up her phone when an unknown number flashes up, biting down nervously on her lip when she sees it come for a second time, and then a third. Each time with a new voicemail that she ignores. Her heart thumps uncomfortably against her chest as she rests Theo on her lap, trying to focus on him instead of the impending sense of doom she feels lurking within her. Her first and only thought is that it’s Doug, who else could it be? She doesn’t recognise the number and just the thought of listening to his angry voice on the other end of the phone fills her with more dread that she could ever imagine.

She knows the storm is coming, she can feel it brewing, Doug would never just let her go and take the son he never even wanted in the first place. He could never let her win. Maddie just doesn’t feel ready to face it, she’s not sure she ever will. She just wants to stay in her bubble with her son, pretending as though her life is as normal as it can be.

It had been a rough two days, in which she had tried to text her brother more than once but simply couldn’t find the words. She wanted to tell him that she missed him, and that it was stupid because he was only ten minutes away but the first night had been difficult, the second night even more so. She wanted to talk to him about the call she’d had, listening to the sound of another woman going through something she understood more than most. She can’t explain it, whilst she wishes she could, but she had _known_ from the first few seconds of the call. The woman, who’s name she didn’t know and probably never would, had haunted her ever since, forcing her to recall all the times she had dialled 911 and hung up on the person who answered instead of asking for help.

It hurts even more because she wants to be angry, she wants to be able to tell anyone in a similar situation that they can get out and be free but… it feels like a lie. Even as she’s looking at her son right then, she doesn’t feel free. She just feels as though she’s waiting for Doug to turn up, to hurt her, to hurt someone she loves. She’s so completely on edge every single time the phones rings, or there’s a noise outside or she leaves the apartment and feels, even for a second, as though someone is watching her. It’s no closer to freedom than she had felt living in that house.

Maddie wants to cry when her phone rings again, closing her eyes tightly at the sound as she rests a hand on her son’s stomach, taking a deep breath in an attempt to at least give herself the courage she feels she needs to just answer it. It might not be him. She’d gotten a new phone with a new number, no one from Hershey knew it… how could have found out so quickly? Finally, she opens her eyes, frowning when she realises it’s her brother’s number this time and he’s not done with work yet so she finds herself grabbing the phone quickly.

“H-hello?”

“Maddie, hi, it’s Chimney.” She gulps, the realisation that maybe it hadn’t been Doug trying to call her at all and she should have known… she should have realised that her little brother was in work and if something happened to him then of course someone would call her to tell her. This time, her hand trembles for an entirely different reason, tears stinging her eyes as she braces herself for the impact of whatever she’s about to hear. There’s no reason Chimney would call her during a shift other than to tell her that her brother had been hurt or worse.

Almost as though he knows exactly what she’s thinking, the man on the other end – the kind, gentle man who had a big hand to play in making her feel safe – is quick to fill the silence before her head can get too carried away with her. Images of Buck in a burning building or falling from a cliffside are the first two things that creep into her head before they’re quashed by a nervous laugh, “Uh, Buck ate some brownies… that were laced with _something_. He’s fine, he’s—well, I suppose he’s great right now, he’s having a good time but I don’t think he should go home alone.”

Buck being high definitely hadn’t been any of the images the had conjured up, easily wiping at the tears that had managed to fall before she lets out a laugh of her own. “My brother is… high?”

“As a kite.” Comes the confirmation on the other end of the phone and she can’t stop the smile from creeping up on her face as she shakes her head, eyes moving to her son as he gurgles happily on her lap.

“What about you? Didn’t you have any brownies?”

There’s a scoff, followed by a sigh of relief, “Oh no, your idiot brother and Eddie seem to have scoffed the majority. I hate to ask because I know you’ve probably got plans and you’ve got Theo but half the station is coming down and I’ve managed to get hold of everyone else but—would you mind coming to pick your brother up?”

Of course, that was why he had been phoning and she finds herself blushing, having settled into the couch to talk about her high brother with the man who was still a stranger to her. A very handsome, cute, endearing stranger that she hated herself for wanting to get to know more. “I-I’ll be there in fifteen minutes? I just need to get Theo sorted and—”

“No, you take your time. I’ve got him until then.”

.

Despite Chimney’s last words to her, she still feels guilt when she’s walking into the station twenty-seven minutes after she had hung up on him. Her cheeks are flushed red, holding her son close as she looks around for her brother and his colleague, “I-I’m so sorry, I was ready to leave and then Theo needed his diaper changed and—”

“You’re fine, we’ve been having a really good talk about the first time he climbed a tree.” Maddie grins as she looks at her brother, who is staring at both her and the baby in her arms with pure amazement in his eyes, his mouth wide open. “Apparently you caught him.”

“Yeah, with my body. Went twelve years without a single broken bone and then five year old Evan lands on me and I broke my collarbone, arm and three ribs.” The woman rolls her eyes at the painful memory, “And this one got a little scratch from the tree branch on the way down.”

“My hero!” Buck is quick to say, his blue eyes sparkling with pure joy as he reaches out his hands for Theo, “Can’t believe my sister has a baby. Isn’t she pretty, Chimney? Don’t you think she’s pretty? Buckley’s are so pretty.” Maddie doesn’t miss the way Chimney’s cheeks flush until his arms are reaching out for the baby, she’s quick to hand Theo to the paramedic so she can take her other (much bigger) baby (brother) in her arms when he practically throws himself at her.

It doesn’t matter that he towers over her by a foot, or that his grip is tight or even that he’s on drugs right then, Maddie still feels safer in her brother’s arms than she could ever have imagined. “I missed you.” She whispers in his ear, wrapping her own arms tightly around him, hoping that maybe he won’t remember the words when he comes down, not entirely aware that this _is_ him coming down from the high.

“I missed you too, Mads…”

“Maybe you can stay at my apartment tonight, to be safe?” The eldest of the Buckley’s pulls back to place both hands on either side of her brother’s face, looking into those blue eyes she can still remember looking into when she was seven years old and introduced to her baby brother for the first time.

Buck is all too quick and eager to nod his head, the smile growing on his face, “Can we get pizza?”

“We can get anything you want.”

“Just not brownies.”

Maddie lets out a laugh, squeezing his cheeks gently, “Definitely not brownies.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .... it's only been four months. Written for Ashley as I think she may be the only person who reads this and has been harassing me (nicely) for a while for the next chapter.

Halloween, as it turns out, is just as exhausting sitting at a desk in the dispatch centre as it had been when she was a nurse. Trying to decipher between prank calls, misunderstandings and genuine emergencies had been… interesting, to say the very least. And then there was the…  _ ghost,  _ that absolutely was not a ghost despite what her brother kept trying to tell her. She shouldn’t be surprised, not really, because her brother had always been a little more prone to believing in the unknown than she had ever had and maybe that had slightly been her fault. At six years younger than she was, she had managed to keep the magic of Santa alive until he was eleven and his hopes and dreams had been dashed by their parents who had told him that it was time to grow up and it was time for her to stop encouraging him. 

Maddie smiles as she looks at her baby boy, wondering how long she can keep the magic alive with him, knowing that kids are just more aware these days. Still, the thought of leaving cookies out and hearing him run downstairs in excitement on Christmas morning, one day in the future, fills her with more joy than she could have ever imagined. If Doug doesn’t find them before then. She doesn’t regret staying in LA, it’s hard to do that when she’s surrounded by so many amazing people and Theo has a family he can rely on if anything were to happen to her. Her husband was cruel but she didn’t think he would go quite so far as to hurt their son but then… when she had married him, she had no clue of what he was capable of. 

“Do you  _ really _ think it was a glitch in the system?” Buck’s voice pulls her gaze from her baby as he lays in her arms, looking across the room at him as she bites down on her lip. Truthfully, she had worried, even for a brief moment, that she had gone crazy. She had heard it in Athena’s voice and the way people had poked gentle fun of her. Perhaps it was years of gaslighting and being made to feel as though she was always the one to blame but it was her first thought. Maybe somehow… although she couldn’t explain  _ how _ , she had made it up. Maybe years of accumulated trauma had somehow led to her losing her mind. 

“A-a bunch of the calls had weird static.” She manages to get out, her cheeks flushing a light shade of pink because… it’s not really the truth, at all and no one could explain to her how she had heard the voice of another man on the end of the phone and had managed to coincidentally get the 118 to the correct place. 

“Okay, so how do you explain that it was the exact same call?” The look on her brother’s face is probably about as confused as she feels, laced with suspicion and the same curiosity he had always had as a child. 

“I said it sounded like the same call… a lot of these calls sound the same.” Even she can hear the slight defensive tone of her voice, taking a deep breath as she tilts her head down to kiss the soft, dark hair of her child, trying to find some sense of calm within the five month old. 

Buck shrugs, “Tell yourself that if it makes you feel better but we both know a ghost called 911.” It doesn’t matter what she says or what the truth is; whether it was just a weird static and things got mixed up over the system or whether she’s losing her mind or whether… a ghost did actually save the life of another man today when he couldn’t save his own - Buck has his beliefs and Maddie would rather believe that when people die… they die. Whilst she may have found comfort in the thought of life after all of this, once, now it filled her with a sense of dread. The knowledge that somehow Doug could haunt her in the afterlife too. 

She brings up the wedding ring, in an attempt to change the subject, however… pathetic that might be. Maybe this… not a ghost… had a person out there waiting for them, desperately trying to find them. “Yeah, I heard somewhere that a person is declared legally dead after they’ve been gone for seven years.” 

Maybe if she hadn’t gone to LA, maybe if she had carried on running and kept her head down, maybe Doug would have given up. Maybe Maddie Kendall would have died in more ways than one the day she walked out of their home and as far away from Hershey as she possibly could. “Yeah, I think you have to sign a petition or something.” She gets out, as though she hadn’t actually thought of it as a possible plan a hundred times over, wondering how and if she could ever pull it off. But then… she got pregnant, and faking her own death was one thing… faking the death of her child was another and seemed far too much like tempting fate than she could have ever grown comfortable with. “God, that is so awful… having to admit to the world that you’ve lost hope.” 

“Seven years is a long time, probably lost hope way before that.” Maddie watches her little brother pick at the food in front of him, tilting her head to the side as she gives him a sad smile, knowing that they’re no longer talking of a hypothetical situation or of the man whose remains he had found today. It’s about Abby, and how he’s finally starting to realise that she’s not coming home, a conclusion Maddie had quickly come to. It causes her heart to ache because she knows how it feels to love and not receive the same back, not in a similar way, anyway. She’s sure that her husband loves her in a way that he perceives love to be and maybe Abby had, at one point, felt something for her brother. At least… Maddie hopes. “No one can wait forever.” 

Her eyes glance around the apartment, knowing how he must feel haunted by the memory of Abby. She didn’t know the woman but she was everywhere, it was her home and she and Buck had probably spent time there together and now he was just… a house sitter whilst she jetted around Europe and lived her best life, ignoring the pain of the person left behind. Sometimes, she doesn’t feel fit to give advice considering the mess her own life had become but as she looks into the face of her brother, she knows he needs  _ something _ from her, even if he’s not completely ready yet. “Hope is a tricky thing, it keeps you going for a while but… at some point if what you’re hoping for is never gonna happen, then it’s just holding you back from your life.” 

Maddie had hoped that Doug would change, she had hoped that things would get better, she had hoped that he would wake up one morning and see that he was the problem and not her. And then she had hoped for a better life without him, for a better life for their son because the thought of him growing up the same way Doug had and probably his father before him, broke her heart. She needed Theo to be as kind and as gentle and as loving as his uncle and the other men of the 118 who so kindly took her in when she needed people the most. She knows a lot about hope and she can see it dwindling in her brother’s every single day that he doesn’t hear from Abby or someone makes a joke that he’s single. 

“Yeah, but it’s hard to know though, right? If you’re hanging on too long...or you’re giving up too soon.” He knows, he absolutely knows, Maddie is so certain that whether he wants to admit it to himself or not, he can feel it in his very core. Abby isn’t coming home, and if she ever does, she’s not coming home to him or for him. 

“I think you do know,” Maddie looks down at her son for a brief second, remembering how he had been the realisation she needed, the drive that had forced her to pick herself up off the ground and leave her husband. She knew what the future could hold, she knew the danger she was putting herself in if he ever did find her but… for the chance of a better life for her baby, she would do anything, “it just… may take you some time to admit it to yourself.” 

Buck doesn’t say anything for a moment, she doesn’t expect him to, seeing the distant look on his face before he glances around the apartment as though he’s seeing it differently for the first time. “It’s okay, Buck… to take that time. No one can ever rush you into something you’re not ready for. You’re the only person who can decide when you want to take your life back for yourself and not for someone else, you know?” She’s careful to turn the baby around so he’s facing his uncle, “And we are right here no matter what.” 

“Promise?” 

His blue eyes meet with her dark ones and she nods her head, a confident smile on her face, although her heart thumps with the betrayal of her promise before she can even say it out loud, not knowing if she can ever see it through if Doug has anything to do with it, “As long as you’ll have us, we’ll always be here.”

. 

It’s one of the hardest decisions he’s ever had to make, Buck had never been one to give up so easily. And the thought of saying goodbye to a woman who had brought him so much in such a small period of time was… a bitter pill to swallow. Truthfully, he’d realised she wasn’t about to walk through that door anytime soon, a long time ago. Around the time she stopped answering his calls or his texts with enthusiasm and he’d started to feel more like an annoyance than anything else.

It wasn’t the same but it had reminded him of Maddie and how she’d gone from sending him several texts a day, some of them long winded and excitable as she told him of her day or she’d ring him and he’d hear that breathy excitement in her voice as though life was… so good that she couldn’t quite believe it to… phone calls that she would suddenly hang up without warning and then text him saying she’d lost signal or… texts here and there, just to let him know she was alive and well until they stopped too. It’s not the same, the reasons are different and Maddie came back. If there was anything he needed to understand about his sister, it was that she always came back and it didn’t seem to matter how much time had passed, they fell straight back into old habits, as though no time had passed at all. 

Abby was gone without so much as a goodbye or an apology and that stung the most. How one person could come into his life and change so much and then just… disappear. It’s hard to be angry at someone who had made him see the world in a different light, who had stopped him from being impulsive and jumping from one person to the next as though it meant nothing. It’s hard to be angry but he can feel the bitterness rising inside of him as he looks around the apartment for the last time, bag on his shoulder, saying a silent goodbye to all the memories they could have had together. The memories he had once thought they would because, no matter what, no matter how it ended… she was still that anchor for him. The difference between the Buck he had been and the Buck was now and he’s grateful for her .

He can’t help but wonder if Maddie had turned up a year earlier, if he’d have been quite so accepting of her or even if he would have been able to control the very first impulse he’d had inside of him when he had learned the truth about her marriage - god, he would do anything to punch Doug but Maddie and Theo needed him more and not in jail. He couldn’t protect her from behind bars and he was not going to make a martyr of the man who dared lay a hand on his sister. He’s just not entirely convinced the person he was before would have been able to compartmentalise that in the same way. He’d have acted on instinct without the careful thought behind it. 

Abby, whilst she can’t take all of the credit because he had wanted to change and that wouldn’t have been possible without that desire, had helped mould him into the brother and the uncle that his family needed him to be. Still, as he shuts the door to the apartment he had never gotten the chance to share with the woman he’d imagined a whole future with, he can’t help but wonder where the hell he’s going to go. 

He knows if he turns up at Maddie’s apartment, she would open her arms and her door to him without question but… he also knows that she had moved out for a reason and whilst part of that reason was the fact she was living in a stranger’s home, the biggest part was the desire she had to start again. To have her own life away from Doug, in a way that she could learn how to bring Theo up by herself. And as much as he would love to go running to her, into a safe pair of arms, he needs to give her more time to find her rhythm and find herself. 

Eddie has a kid, he can’t intrude upon that family dynamic and Bobby has Athena and a life of his own and whilst he and the Captain had grown closer since he’d joined the station, he didn’t want to push his luck. Hen… he’s not sure she’s an option either, she has a full house of her own. Buck gulps down the lump in his throat as he holds his bag over his shoulder, walking out into the cool breeze of the LA night; Chimney. He understood heartbreak, he understood the desire to not want to talk about it and just… brush it under the carpet because it was easier that way. 

Maybe he can stay with Chimney, just for a few days, whilst he figures everything out and tries to focus on rebuilding his life as a newly single person and not falling back into old habits. It’s just for a few days, it’ll be fun. He hopes.


End file.
